


who can see inside this black heart

by ShanleenKinnJaskey



Series: remember my last [7]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, End of the World, Historical Hetalia, I'm Sorry, M/M, POV First Person, Viva la Vida by Coldplay, references to other fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 06:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3279965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShanleenKinnJaskey/pseuds/ShanleenKinnJaskey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story told by Spain alternating the end of the world and his experience throughout history as he speaks to Romano, who he believes is in heaven.</p><p>Companion to Where You'll Find Me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	who can see inside this black heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spinyfruit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinyfruit/gifts), [Ashesofthesoul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashesofthesoul/gifts).



> Regular font is the past and bold font is the future.
> 
> This is a continuation of Where You'll Find Me, the first Spamano fic in this series.

_I used to rule the world_  
  
_Seas would rise when I gave the word_  
  
  
  
Life as a pirate is exhausting but exhilarating. We fight and conquer and slay. I rule over most of the New World, gain gold and glory and bring Christianity.  
  
But I am never completely satisfied. I wanted more.  
  
So I conquer you, South Italy.  
  
  
  
_Now in the morning I sleep alone_  
  
_Sweep the streets I used to own_  
  
  
  
**You're gone now. You faded from my arms.**  
  
**Right as I was kissing you for the first time.**  
  
  
  
_I used to roll the dice_  
  
  
  
England constantly gets in the way, and you, South Italy, who insist on being called Romano, are unruly.  
  
So I strike back. I begin to go into rages, and I hurt the people I love.  
  
  
  
_Feel the fear in my enemies ' eyes_  
  
  
  
Fear. Piercing, unrelenting terror in the amber eyes of a child.   
  
"Stop that, bastard!"  
  
I'm sorry, Roma. I'm so, so sorry.  
  
  
  
_Listen as the crowds would sing_  
  
_"Now the old king is dead! Long live the King!"_  
  
  
  
**You're gone now, and so is my pirate self. I wish I could tell you that I love you.**  
  
**I never did while you were alive.**  
  
  
  
_One minute I held the key_

  
  
"I'm sorry, Roma. I'm so, so sorry. Please forgive me!"  
  
You don't respond. You never do after one of my rages- the pain is far too agonizing for you.  
  
And it breaks my heart.  
  
  
  
_Next the walls were turned on me_

  
  
You're gone, taken by Austria.  
  
I can feel my pirate self emerging,  the warrior inside gearing for battle.   
  
I will get you back, I swear.  
  
  
  
I take you back for awhile, but I end up letting you go.  
I'm not as strong as I used to be.   
  
  
  
_And I discovered that my castle stand_  
  
_Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand_  
  
  
  
**The world is dissolving into chaos and war. Millions are dying and cities are burning.**  
  
**"Roma, why did you have to leave?"**  
  
**Words whisper through my dreams, a reply I can't catch.**  
  
  
  
_I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing_  
  
_Roman cavalry choirs are singing_  
  
  
  
**The bells in church remind me of Italy and you. Mostly you, though.**  
  
**"Roma, are you in heaven?"**  
  
  
  
_Be my mirror my sword my shield_  
  
  
  
My empire is crumbling, my New World countries revolting against me.  
  
I look in a mirror and I no longer see a powerful pirate dressed in a glorious outfit of red, black, and gold.  
  
Now I only see rags decorating the body of a weak shadow of a man, covered in the brown stains of dried blood.   
  
  
_My missionaries in a foreign field_  
  
  
  
**I did so much I regret.**  
  
**I killed to convert people to my religion and ideas, to get wealth and power.**  
  
**We all did, and it will haunt us to the end of time.**  
  
  
  
_For some reason I can't explain_  
  
  
  
**A voice echoes in my dreams.**  
  
**"Wake up, Spain, and come home."**  
  
**"I'm here."**  
  
**"I'm waiting."**  
  
**Don't worry, Roma, I'm coming. My end will come soon- the world is falling apart.**  
  
  
  
_Once you go there was never_  
  
_Never an honest word_  
  
  
  
Between the time you leave, Roma, and the time you die, I am lying to everyone.  
  
Including myself.  
  
I swear to myself that I see you as a little brother, not as a love.  
  
And I guess that's because I think you'll never love me back.  
  
  
  
_And that was when I ruled the world_  
  
  
  
**No one rules the world anymore.**  
  
**Who would want to, with all the violence and fire and explosions and chaos?**  
  
**There's barely a world left to represent.**  
  
  
  
_It was a wicked and wild wind_  
  
_Blew down the doors to let me in_  
  
  
  
**Technically, the End of the World begins with America.**  
  
**His atomic bomb ends Word War II but starts the Cold War.**  
  
**That ends, but then North Korea gets ahold of atomic weapons.**  
  
**And he unleashes hell.**  
  
  
  
_Shattered windows and the sound of drums_  
  
_People couldn't believe what I'd become_  
  
  
  
**My pirate side begins to emerge again during the third World War.**  
  
**I hate it.**  
  
**I don't want to go back to that. Those rages that made me feel so powerful and helpless at the same time, that hurt the ones I loved- that is something that I NEVER want to happen again.**  
  
**I can't stop it, though.**  
  
  
  
_Revolutionaries wait_  
  
_For my head on a silver plate_  
  
  
  
Do you know what it's like for so many people to wish for your death, for the end of your reign?  
  
I guess you do, Roma. You ran the Mafia, right?

It's all part of the job, I guess, but it is still a bit hurtful.

To know that so many people want you to leave, to get rid of the cruel Rulers and corrupt governments.  
  
And if you think that I can handle this well, you'd be sadly mistaken.  
  
How could I handle anything with a clear head if I just watched you die in my very arms?  
  
  
  
_Just a puppet on a lonely string_  
  
_Oh who would ever want to be King?_  
  
  
  
**Who wants to be a country?**  
  
**Sure, I get to be immortal, but to experience all the pain and suffering of my people?**  
  
**To hold onto grudges and grievances forever?**  
  
**To always be reminded of mistakes I made ages ago, to never be forgiven for a war I fought in or people who died because of a stupid decision I made?**  
  
**It hurts.**  
  
  
  
_I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing_  
  
_Roman calvary choirs are singing_  
  
  
**Those bells I spoke of earlier- the ones that remind me of you- they are the most melancholy sound I've ever heard.**  
  
**The world is ending and you're gone.**  
  
**What have I to live for?**  
  
  
_Be my mirror my sword my shield_  
  
_My missionaries in a foreign field_  
  
  
**A tear falls down my cheek.**  
  
**"Tell me, Romano, is there a God? I'm trying to believe but I can't. How could a God let this happen? How could he let the world get like this? More importantly, _how could he let everyone forget you_?"**

 **No one replies.**  
  
  
_For some reason I can't explain_  
  
_I know Saint Peter won't call my name_

 

**When I die, as I assuredly will one day, I don't think I'll get to heaven.**

**I've committed too many sins. I've massacred millions, tortured countries, and of course fallen in love with you, Roma. According to Vatican that is a sin, but to tell you the truth that's the one sin I'll never regret.**

  
  
_Never an honest word_  
  
_But that was when I ruled the world_

 

World War II passes by in a blink. I'm neutral, and I'm too busy dealing with a dictator of my own to bother with Hitler and Mussolini.

But don't worry, Roma. I make sure that Germany takes care of your little brother. I care about him almost as much as you do.

 

 _I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing_  
  
_Roman cavalry choirs are singing_

 

**I'm dying.**

**I've known this time would come for a while. Prussia was dissolved back in World War Two, France faded a few years ago, and England, my old archenemy, died a few days ago in a sobbing America's arms.**

**"This is the end, Spain," America says today, his bright blue eyes clear of tears for the first time since England died. "Good luck in the next life."**

**"You too, America," I say, and dissolve.**

  
  
_Be my mirror my sword my shield_  
  
_My missionaries in a foreign field_

 

**"In the end you are a man as well as a country, Spain, and all men must die. Your time has come," Roma's voice says as I float up through the bright tunnel, "Reach for the light. I'll see you soon."**

**I follow his instructions and reach for the floating ball of light. I'll follow Roma anywhere, even to the depths of Hell itself.**

  
  
_For some reason I can't explain_  
  
_I know Saint Peter won't call my name_

 

**Somehow heaven exists. I know this because as soon as I emerge from the light I see the most amazing thing in the world- Roma's face.**

**He stretches out a hand with a mischievous smirk. "Come on, you bastard. I've been waiting for you for a _very_ long time."**

**I reach out and take his hand.**

**Death is not the end; it is merely the beginning.**

  
_Never an honest word_  
  
_But that was when I ruled the world_

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, same as with the first story- please comment/ leave kudos if you like the story or want to suggest a song. I'm pretty sure I'll be doing America soon (I Lived or Marching On by OneRepublic) or Russia (Beware the Frozen Heart from Frozen) or Germany (Wake Me Up by Avicii).  
> Oh, and I still have that Chibitalia surprise hidden up my sleeve.
> 
> Feel free to suggest songs for characters!
> 
> And did you like it? Feel free to comment/leave kudos if you do.  
> Or just comment if you don't.


End file.
